fritzalfonts

I really liked this story. Just a few little things, I think you need to try and tell us a little more, maybe more description - especially at the end. ...

The beginning was really good it drew me in straight away. Similar to what others have said - character development and (for me) more setting descriptions - though your style ...

This was well written considering you used only dialogue - well done! It would have been interesting maybe to set into a certain era but that could just be me ...

Hi there, i'm going to be honest i usually avoid anything to do with Twilight (my fascination grew out years ago) but I have to say that your title drew ...

Hi there, reading your story I was really interested by it - its a intriguing concept and structure. This is just a question: have you ever read James Joyce's "Story ...

Hi, this is really good. I liked the quick successive sentences - it really drew me in. Just a few typos "her green eye's" should be "eyes", and you had ...

I thought it was good. Overall though, I became a little lost. I think you need more descriptions on the characters, how they look, how they feel to the situation ...

That was really good :D I thought it was very funny and I liked it how you based it on a personal experience and parioded it. This is my favourite ...