niccy_v

Good effort, but since when does Jacob go to clubs? Heh heh. Anyway it is bent not bended. All of a sudden, she backed away, with a smile on her ...

I know this was in july but ... well this didn't get that many reviews so... i'll give you what i have Thoughts The use of capitals is interesting choice! ...

You did mine, so i will do yours! Overall thoughts on the story You develop this powerful mother-daughter relationship. It's clearly edited (thank god!) and so there was little grammar/spelling ...

First off: this story has a lot of telling - i cannot imagine much because you tell me everything, so you need to use dialogue to 'show' and do less ...

Language: WOW. I mean, seriously, you have such a way with words, it paints the pictures vividly and you use the least boring words. But I have a slight issue ...

Overall, not much to really go on, since it's so short. But i like the powerful imagery... Eyes flicking around in annoyance, my eyes came to rest on a little ...

Use of 'that' It is just me but i have a severe hatred for the word that. It disrupts flow more than helps the story, and more often than not ...

“Please, one more second," ? not , I said Shouldn't you be building emotion? You epic failed if you were. Said is such a plain, boring word, void of all ...

pose. I could care less. posse. I couldn't care less. Awesome-ness NEVER! use something else! Cutesy Got to be kidding me? CUTESY!? HUH! NOOOOOO. Any word by that! its almost ...

noticed he had walked in Noticed he'd walked in His natural Raven – colored hair was catching the light, making it gleam Small r for raven, and try: His raven ...

Hello Icefire! Ah this is brilliant! The frigid night air whistled throughout the forest Through the forest A girl, dressed all in black, was darting from tree to tree, hardly ...

It is only short and most of what i want to say is already done... soo... Breathless Right we get the point - she makes him feel euphoric. Now get ...

First off - ah this is splendiferous (not a word.. but hey!) Well, his hippo ate the last bean, if we’re going to use that analogy. As said above, it ...

I hope you got my pm? Right: To begin with: slow down no need to rush. Use commas, use - and semi colans. I strongly recommend in the future you ...

Sorry if this sounds a little harsh. And because i gave you something of mine to review in 'review for food' threat, i decided it to be polite to do ...