nickelodeon

I liked the general format of the poem. It was easy to read, flowed nicely. I agree it could use some work though, mostly in that it doesn't seem to ...

"Thursday night—the night you go out if you’re a young man with an ID that has a date of birth that doesn’t add up to twenty one years of age." ...

I especially like the ending - The use of Rapunzel was an unexpected twist, and the descriptions of the step-mother and prince Charming were funny. I think humor is a ...

"in there nice beds with clean sheets, listing to crickets" should be "their" and "listening" I'd also think about writing in complete sentences. I like fragments (I think they're kind ...

First paragraph: I don't like the word "piece" when describing someone's hair. It's not very visual. Maybe "lock" or "wisp" or use your imagination. On the other hand, this is ...

Well, i really liked it. It seemed like your focus was more on telling a story than on becoming emotionally attached to the characters, and i found that quite enjoyable. ...

I didn't quite understand it the first time i read it, and it's still a little foggy now. I'd try to clarify what's actually happening between them if you do ...

I love the image the whole poem creates - sort of a great civilization now in ruins. Your descriptions were really great. I agree that you should consider revising punctuation, ...

This is a pretty good story. I'm going to agree that there are some grammar-type issues, but you can probably work those out with a re-read. I'd suggest rethinking the ...

Well, it looks like nit-picky grammar stuff is out of the way, so... I thought it had definite possibilites, and I'm really curious as to how it's all going to ...

You totally kept my attention through the whole thing. I like how you didn't realize that it was an orphanage until later in the story. On to the critique... I, ...

To be short and simple, i like it. It's well phrased. It's relatable, but its still unique (I personally, i have never read anything with quite the same message). I ...

I'm going to start right out by saying that this is not my style. This is not to say that i didn't like it - it just isn't the type ...

Okay, this is mostly good. It's easy to read, and flows nicely from one thought to another. I agree with what the others are saying about plot. It's not really ...

Short and sweet. Always a good thing. I think this was too predictable. From the first sentence, when she was waiting for her parents to come back, I knew what ...