shadowstorm

I posted my revised version recently, so if you want to check it out it's there.

Thank you so much for all your help guys. I'm working on a longer hopefully better version right now that I'll probably post sometime this week.

The first two stanzas may be slightly cliche, but I like them. And as you've now read many times, the last stanza is amazing. As for the middle four, they ...

I like it, but you should punctuate appropriately for better fluency.

That is a really beautiful poem. You wrote it really well. I liked the theme of how eagerness can destroy caution, and destroy the goal.

Awesome poem! I especially like the 3rd and 4th lines of each stanza.

So all the punctuation was already said. In addition, I don't find the rhythm to be very fluent. It jerks around a lot. Don't give up though. Your message is ...

Wow. That really strikes something in me. Good job. And I don't think it's necessary to add an 'A' before folded. The lack thereof makes it stand out, but I ...

I totally understand the repeated words=better flow. That's like what I was saying, I believe--with how the repetition of words makes it draw me in. The way it sounds, feels, ...

Thanks. I'll consider lengthening it. Originally it was just the first two and last two lines, but I knew that was too short. I was able to stretch that out, ...

Thanks. It's not a haiku though, but that's okay.

Adding punctuation would definitely be good. That will help the fluency greatly. Other than that, I really like the poem. I can relate to it somewhat.

It's interesting, but kind of confusing. It makes a little more sense as you read further, though.

It's okay, but I think the words could carry more meaning. They feel kind of hollow. It jumps around a little, too, instead of flowing.

Cadmium is right. Any rhymes in that poem are unintentional. The season thing: I don't know where it came from in my mind exactly. Some sort of analogy for cycles ...