songbird42

Very Good! I write songs too and this is pretty good! The first thing, though, that threw me off was your first line: I wish you the candy mountain tops ...

Good ideas, a bit cliched, but I definitely agree with you that it needs some revision =). For starters, the "Remember!"s are a bit out-of-place. I think it's the exclamation ...

Very good story. Intriguing, with a unique plot. My one question is, what are these two people doing on top of a large, floating, platform? I think that, if you ...