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all that would happen if you flick a book is that you'll hurt your finger. Ha ha ha. That's pretty darn funny. But don't you think you are being a ...

Hello Runawaythought, First of all, you should really put spaces between each paragraph. It would help the reviewers a lot. :wink: Let me just start off saying that I was ...

“I wiped the sweat [off] of my brow…” “Old and wise aren’t the same, Max[.]” “Max[,] it’s my shift[.]” “No Max[,] no more thoughts like that.” You forgot to put ...

For the part with the friend in the car, I have to agree with ashleylee. We need more information on her. There were a couple of mistakes: "... us to ...

"Joeanna mumbled she began to wipe her shirt and fix her hair." may sound better with a period after "mumbled". I don't think you need the comma in this sentence: ...

You did a good job at stressing the emotions in this piece... if that makes any sense. Ha ha. "He wasn't really heading to me..." might sound better like this: ...

Most of the commas should be periods, then you wouldn’t have so much run-on sentences. German needs to be capitalized. “Enemies” should be “enemy’s” as oddly as it looks. “I ...

“An impatient Carter proclaimed.” Might sound better like this: “Carter impatiently proclaimed…” Or “Carter proclaimed impatiently” I think daydream is one word. “Right[,] as if you wo

First paragraph definitely sets the tone. I liked how you didn’t use typical adjectives (“bulky” instead of big, “wildfire” instead of just fire). “There was a canine looking bite in ...

Its easy to get hooked from just the first sentence. It does get a bit confusing though. Especially when you mention assignments. "The young man the hand belonged to smiled ...

Also, “doe’s” is supposed to be “does”. The space between “does” and “Campava” seems a bit awkward. The sentence starting with “He leaned across the aisle….” is a bit long. ...

I think you know what you are doing with the line breaks. It may not be customary, but thats the whole point, right? I also agree with the punctuation though, ...

Your story was almost poetic in a way and I really liked how detailed it was. The only thing is that I had to read some parts of your story ...