timjim77

So, let me see some more emotion, darling, less heart. I don’t want poetry, my dear, I want to see you fall apart. This made me excited. For you. This ...

This should be in Dramatic Poetry. See my critique on your other poem in Dramatic POetry.

One suggestion. Get rid of the italicized 'dead' in the first line. Comes off a bit tacky.

"hypnotised by the entracing waves": entrancing. But entrancing is redundant there anyway, because you've already told us you were hypnotized. "not understanding were i am": where I am.

YAY! Awesome. Very nicely done. Imagery: A. Language: A+. Your use of language was incredible, and while it was complex, it flowed sweetly and deliriously.

Agree with everyone else. One suggestion: use punctuation at the end of lines. The fact that you can write a simple, etheral poem without a single person finding some flaw ...

"Under a tree, in a cemetery" is not meant to rhyme. The poem is free verse.

Gotcha.

"Impune" should be impugn. "Dreams wafts" should be dreams waft. Question mark at end of first stanza. First stanza weak. Second stanza broken, but intense and fascinating. Third stanza echoes ...

You didn't offend me. Simply bored me.

Subtly caustic, a wild paradox. Good work. Not exactly smooth on the down-go, but interesting enough (and brief enough) to make it well worthwhile. Nice.

How is it homoerotic? She's a girl.

Hmm, interesting that you said i was high. i was not, but I definitely was in a different state of mind. The numbers do represent something, but if you want ...

Oops. (blushes) Sorry. I watch PG-13 movies that have the f-word. But I will follow the site's protocol from now on. Sorry.

Powerful.