wonderland

Alright, so, The chemistry between David and his Mother is too perfect. They honestly seem like the doting mother and rebellious son. I like it. It really shows off the ...

Alright, so, Contradictions in a play are tricky things. All of these contradictions you have, however, are pure awesome. I love the dramatic difference between the mother and the landlord ...

Alright, so, What a strong beginning. I love reading plays, and I like how you didn't try to rush every single character that is in this play in to the ...

Alright, so, This is a good beginning, but i have to admit, it's kind of plain. Give the characters backgrounds, give more to why they are there, at that setting, ...

Alright, so, you have a good beginning. You just need to watch your grammar and spelling Her parents , especially her mom with her aunt , planned this ‘engrande’ for ...

Alright, so, This is good, but, I find the balance of description and dialogue off. In some parts, you have too much dialouge, in others, too much description in others. ...

Alright, so, this is pretty great. You're a really strong writer, and I'm glad I chose to read your work. Off the bat, you have very strong description, which I ...

Alright, so, this is good, and I know how hard it is to get into a song and base a story on that. This being said, however, you needed to ...

Alright, so, Firstly, you need more description. In your first scene, it's just dialouge, and I can't get a good feel of what is going on. Try going into more ...

Okay, so, that was brief. Expand it with more about the speakers problems. This really just seems like a first stanza of something that could be much much more. With ...

Okay, so, firstly, I wanted to apologize for taking way too long on this. It's long story, but I'm here now! So, firstly, you move really fast. Slow down, let ...

Alright, so, you have a lot of description in there. Your description is strong, and that's good, but your mostly telling the reader, you need to show them to play ...

Alright, so, yes, you need to slow down. I got through maybe three quarters and was really confused. Slow down and go through every characters emotions, making it clear to ...

Alright, so, woah. That was pretty fantastic. I enjoyed how you set up the narration, it felt to me like it was two different people narrating. I'm not exactly sure ...

Alright, so, It's good. It's coming around. However, you have a lot of description in some places, and less in other places. You have to sort of smooth things out, ...