writergirl007

Hey, I just re-read your story. Where you said "she hated her with..." don't use hate twice. And, when you talked about his dad, you say "old" and I think ...

Interesting. You have a unique talent. THis story was very captivating. But, I don't really understand it. Oh, well. I thought it was very well written. Writergirl

It's good. I'm glad you decided to continue it. The heroine is exactly the kind of character I like. There was only one major (actually it's kind of minor) mistake ...

It's good. Something minor, in the first or second sentence, you have "was" instead of as. Also, you use "chopper" and "said" too much. Find synonyms for them. Perhaps ordered, ...

It's written well. Not my style so much. It's good though. Write something esle. You have a real talent. Writergirl

This was a wonderful story! I can totally relate to the girl. At least in some aspects. I thought it was marvelous. A little tragic, but good. Nice touch with ...

I thought it was funny. But, it was a little strange. Good though. I just scanned it. Maybe I'll read it again when I have more time. Sir Writergirl.

This is a good description of what a story could be about. I think that you if you take this idea and turn it into an actual story, that it ...

Great Story! I love heroines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol: I can't wait to find out what happens next!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pretty good. Put more. Add detail. People like to have a background in order to understand the setting. Tell what's happening. But, I think you have a great start and ...