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zephion

Zephion

  • Short Story » Science Fiction, Action / Adventure Re: The Blind Truth

    Wow, cool idea. I can see some serious potential in this and I can't wait to see the rest, but there are a few things that need fixed. First things ...

    Aug 13, 2012
  • Poetry » Realistic, General Re: Little Voices

    Hey, I found it :P. A few things. Cool idea, kinda fitting for your first post. Now, I don't do poetry very often, so I don't know some of the ...

    Aug 13, 2012
  • Short Story » Humor, Realistic Re: Charmed

    Okay, a few things. First of all, great start! I can see a lot of potential, you should just fix a few things first. Your first few lines: I'm Lenny, ...

    Aug 9, 2012
  • Short Story » General, General Re: lost change of love

    Here are some edits that I made: It was the year of 1389. It was the time when soldiers use to come to back home and spent most of their ...

    Jun 26, 2011
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Wither

    Really cool idea and good description of the characters. I would also recommend some added description to the battle scene. Also, during the fight of Satan and Ethaniel, what is ...

    Jun 26, 2011
  • Novel / Chapter » General, General Re: All the Perfect Colors (1)

    Really cool story, I love it. Just a few things. The first part was a bit fast. It was some really cool description, but if you slowed it down then ...

    Jun 26, 2011
  • Short Story » Historical Fiction, General Re: Pain

    Where was I? Adrenaline coursed through my body, I tensed up. Something wasn’t right. The men pulled the gun from there belts, slipping of their horses with predatory grace. Great ...

    Jun 23, 2011


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