Yellow Walls

4 posts
Random avatar
timjim77
Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 212
Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:27 am
timjim77 says... · Wed Jan 25, 2006 2:27 am
With cream flavored hands,
She rocks her child
In the yellow-lit room
With a lullaby wild.

And the yellow walls
Speak in softer tones
As the babe is weeping
Through its poor bones.
Last edited by timjim77 on Thu Jun 05, 2008 5:56 am, edited 2 times in total.
Quote




User avatar
Angel17
Gender Female
Points 1040
Reviews 202
Thu Jan 26, 2006 11:29 am
Angel17 says... · Thu Jan 26, 2006 11:29 am
i like the varied pace. Its slow until the end and then speeds up, it added more of an effect.

Also; lullabye should be lullaby.
Real poetry are those with the best words in the best order

~~~~~~~~Mandy~~~~~~~~~
Quote




User avatar
xanthan gum
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 688
Thu Jan 26, 2006 10:03 pm
xanthan gum says... · Thu Jan 26, 2006 10:03 pm
fix "lullabye" and fix the rhythm on this line:

Yellow seeps through its bones.


otherwise, it was very good. i didn't catch the entire meaning, i'm sure, but i enjoyed in nonetheless.
i suppose rhyming poetry is catching on more. this certainly is leaving me behind. :)
Carpe Diem.
Quote




Random avatar
lin night
Gender Male
Points 1040
Reviews 92
Fri Jan 27, 2006 5:01 am
lin night says... · Fri Jan 27, 2006 5:01 am
The "lullabye" was intentional, was it not? If I understood the poem correctly, it fits quite well.
Quote

4 posts


All I know, is that admitting that I'm bi was the only time I ever felt like I was truly myself and it really freed me from the eternal depression/prison I felt like I was trapped in.. and figuring that out really explained why I found emo girls so unbelievably alluring.
— Junebug