The Tragedy of a Tradeoff (Haiku)

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imoffensive
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Mon May 15, 2006 12:54 am
imoffensive says... · Mon May 15, 2006 12:54 am
The only draft that has been drafted is the one presented here. Not my best work, but it's something recent that I'm fond of.

The Tragedy of a Tradeoff (Haiku)

(Our) bed feels empty.
The sheets lost your scent too soon;
they knew you were gone
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xanthan gum
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Mon May 15, 2006 11:58 pm
xanthan gum says... · Mon May 15, 2006 11:58 pm
I loved this. In a few short lines, you captured an entire poem. With beautiful swiftness, you conquered by hate for haikus. You handled this well & I loved the "our" in parentheses. It held poetic meaning, and also supplied that extra nessasary syllable.
Carpe Diem.
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imoffensive
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Tue May 16, 2006 3:38 am
imoffensive says... · Tue May 16, 2006 3:38 am
Gah!; my first review ever on this site. How exciting.

Anyway, thank you! The parenthesis, in my opinion, is the best part of this poem in particular. I thank you so much for your comments! They mean a lot to a beginner. :elephant:
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I only know that learning to believe in the power of my own words has been the most freeing experience of my life. It has brought me the most light. And isn't that what a poem is? A lantern glowing in the dark.
— Elizabeth Acevedo, The Poet X