Ignorant Haiku

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Sumi H. Inkblot
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Wed Mar 14, 2007 1:41 pm
Sumi H. Inkblot says... · Wed Mar 14, 2007 1:41 pm
Silence in the house
Computer humming loud
I crave Snickers.
-----
There you go. Bleed your eyes out. Bad Haiku by the Baroness ;) (I....rhyme!)
ohmeohmy
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Ofour
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Wed Mar 14, 2007 1:57 pm
Ofour says... · Wed Mar 14, 2007 1:57 pm
Don't put yourself down so much... but I agree. Didn't contain much depth, just a basic description of what is happening around you, it doesn't induce any challenging or profound thoughts in the reader.

A haiku is:

5 syllables
7 syllables
5 syllables

Yours is 5 6 4 so it's not a real haiku.
You could change "loud" to "loudly" but I have no solution for the last line.
ln(-a)=i(pi) + lna
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Sumi H. Inkblot
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Wed Mar 14, 2007 2:00 pm
Sumi H. Inkblot says... · Wed Mar 14, 2007 2:00 pm
I said it was bad...lol.
REVISED: Ignorant Haiku:
Silence in the house
Computer humming loudly
I crave Snickers bar.
ohmeohmy
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Goldenheart
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Wed Mar 14, 2007 6:22 pm
Goldenheart says... · Wed Mar 14, 2007 6:22 pm
'Tis NOT bad at all, in my opinion! You have summed up the depths of my surroundings and feelings in three lines!

Goldie
"I hate the word 'Truce'. It means 'Fun's over'." ~My little sister
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Scenicview
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Thu Mar 15, 2007 12:26 am
Scenicview says... · Thu Mar 15, 2007 12:26 am
Baroness Ink wrote:Silence in the house
Computer humming loud
I crave Snickers.
-----
There you go. Bleed your eyes out. Bad Haiku by the Baroness ;) (I....rhyme!)


Attention deficit and curious. Adolescent and cute. I think this has to be appreciated from a teenage perspective because there's an apparent hormonal madness attached to it.
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5 posts


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