When you feel.

8 posts
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PenguinAttack
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Sat Mar 29, 2008 1:12 am
PenguinAttack says... · Sat Mar 29, 2008 1:12 am
It’s like fading into a larger picture
Wherein you lose all delicate features
And wonder where the light has gone.
You find it, hiding, in the pockets of space
That are left in your absence.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
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BigBadBear
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Sat Mar 29, 2008 5:12 am
BigBadBear says... · Sat Mar 29, 2008 5:12 am
haha. Why has no one critted this? XD

It’s like fading into a larger picture
Wherein you lose all delicate features
And wonder where the light has gone.
[And] You find it, hiding, in the pockets of space
That are left in your absence.


I like it, but it's terribly short. But then, most poems are short... yeah. I don't see anything majorly wrong with it, but I think that an and should go there. But I'm no expert, so you don't have to listen to me.

I like to message behind it. It's a good read. Sorry I can't be much help.

-Jared
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.
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mizz-iceberg
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Sat Mar 29, 2008 6:37 am
mizz-iceberg says... · Sat Mar 29, 2008 6:37 am
I have to agree with BBB, there isn't much i can say about this poem. But its a nice, simple and thought provoking poem. I liked it.
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
--Ellen DeGeneres
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Loose
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Sat Mar 29, 2008 11:13 am
Loose says... · Sat Mar 29, 2008 11:13 am
I completely know where you're coming from and I don't usually get that with poetry. That's why I don't read it. But I understand this and I agree with it.

But I don't think TriB's inclusion of "and" in the fourth line is a good choice. Leave it how it is.
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PenguinAttack
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Wed Apr 02, 2008 7:31 am
PenguinAttack says... · Wed Apr 02, 2008 7:31 am
Thank you so much, you three, you guys rock my socks. ^^

I'm really glad you liked it.

*Hearts* Le Penguin.
I like you as an enemy, but I love you as a friend.
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casey_kent
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Wed Apr 02, 2008 9:10 am
casey_kent says... · Wed Apr 02, 2008 9:10 am
It's short and simple. It's nice.
Christianity is not a religion, it's a relationship.

I may not be perfect but Jesus thinks I'm to die for.

"Let's destroy these little darlings..."- W.Beckett
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blacktiger3915
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Wed Apr 02, 2008 4:45 pm
blacktiger3915 says... · Wed Apr 02, 2008 4:45 pm
I liked the poem. Nice imagery. Keep it up girl!
Don't send sheep to kill a wolf.
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yoha_ahoy
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Wed Apr 02, 2008 6:02 pm
yoha_ahoy says... · Wed Apr 02, 2008 6:02 pm
Yay! Short poems! I love short poems. This was nice. I liked the idea, and the image you conveyed, however small it is. Cute! I have no complaints! Nice job Pingu. ^_^

~Yoyo 8)
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For in everything it is no easy task to find the middle ... anyone can get angry—that is easy—or give or spend money; but to do this to the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, with the right motive, and in the right way, that is not for everyone, nor is it easy; wherefore goodness is both rare and laudable and noble.
— Aristotle