The Chronicles Of Color

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emmylou1995
Gender Female
Points 2664
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Sat Apr 23, 2011 1:47 am
emmylou1995 says... · Sat Apr 23, 2011 1:47 am
Red

Listening.
The setting sun,
a scarlet rose,
the leaves of autumn.
Thinking.
The stickiness of blood,
the scent of bacon,
a cynical laugh.
Philosophizing.
The memory of silence,
the stroke of a pastel...
...the determination of a brother.
When all you have is nothing, there is alot to go around.
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TamaraGoesRawr
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Points 1040
Reviews 7
Sat Apr 23, 2011 5:14 am
TamaraGoesRawr says... · Sat Apr 23, 2011 5:14 am
I like the mental images the poem created and how you worded it, though maybe try making it a bit longer.
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NLPrincess13
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Points 1869
Reviews 51
Sat Apr 23, 2011 11:51 am
NLPrincess13 says... · Sat Apr 23, 2011 11:51 am
I agree with Tamara .. you need to make it longer to make a complete scene of the poem. it's good.... Keep up :D
<3 Princess of Neverland <3
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StoryWeaver13
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Points 28282
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Sat Apr 23, 2011 5:36 pm
StoryWeaver13 says... · Sat Apr 23, 2011 5:36 pm
I definitely think this needs to be expanded on. Really we just don't even get a complete sense of what you're trying to say, but your lines and use of words are interesting, for sure. What are you trying to say with this poetry? Right now I get the mental images but don't find the connections. This needs to be brought together somehow, formed into a centered motive and idea.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket
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