Obviously, I would reach over and slowly dismember your pathetic little insect body and revel in the panicked screams you gave as I popped your little head off.
So, what would you say if you found yourself in the OED?
"If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders." -Hal Abelson
The simple truth is that authors like making people squirm. If this weren't the case, all novels would be filled completely with cute bunnies having birthday parties. — Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians