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Squirty's Tearless Shampoo

Elizabeth · 2006-04-27T02:19:19Z

SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO COMMERCIAL Script: By Elizabeth Mathers 4-5-06 [Introduction] Narrator: Are you sick and tired of getting shampoo in your eyes and crying in the shower? [Person showers. Another person walks up with bottle in hands. Squirts shampoo into eyes. Weeping person nodding.] Do you get a scare every time your mother tells you to wash your hair? [Woman scolding smaller figure. Screaming.] Are you sick of people mistaking you for that Elvis guy because your hair is so greasy from lack of hygiene that you can make your hair spiral upwards? [Whacky hairdo. Nodding.] Don’t you wish you could have a shampoo that didn’t make you cry, scaring you from washing your Crisco covered hair? [Thinking pose. Smiles. Nodding.] [Scene 1] Narrator: Then you need SQUIRTY’S HEAD FRIENDLY AND HYGENITC NON-CRYING FORMULA! ... Um – SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO! Use it while you wash your hair and never cry while doing it again! Once, twice, don’t use it three times in the same hour, you could go bald! [Person washes hair. *One Hour Later on Third Handful* Hair falls out. Screaming.] SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO is kid friendly, you can even leave your children unsupervised with it. Heck, they can even drink it without any side affects! [Small print: Side affects may include itching, burning, intestinal issues, bladder issues, issues within issues, depression, vomiting, nausea, like for cottage cheese, blah bloo blee blah blah bloo blah, brain deterioration, insanity, addiction to SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO] [Scene 2] Narrator: Don’t believe us? Well just ask some of the people who have used SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO and see what they have to say! Girl 1: [Weeping] My mommy bought me SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO and I used it then my cat jumped into the tub – Boy 1: [Scared] I used the stuff once and been obsessed by cheese and Lego blocks. Girl 2: [Posh] I had golden locks that nobody could touch. I had high forms of shampoo and health needs. I was rich you know, but then one day we went bankrupt and all we could afford was this lousy shampoo. Girl 1: [Theatrical] Then my cat jumped into the tub and the bottle spilled all over her and she began to smoke and – Boy 2: [Twitchy] I once had to use SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO, got some in my ear, and couldn’t hear for a week. NOBODY TOLD ME IT WASN’T MEANT FOR YOUR EARS! Boy 3: [Mysterious] I once knew a guy who knew a guy who knew this guy, who knew me, and it was me, that I once used it and then knew the capital of Arkansas. Old Woman: [Like an old person] What? Why am I here? You kidnapped me! ... Where is Greta? I miss Greta… would you like some cookies. Girl 1: [Insane] AND THEN MY CAT STARTED ON FIRE AND RAN OUT OF THE ROOM AND FELL OUT MY WINDOW AND DIED AND SHE’S DEAD AND NOT COMING BACK!!! SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO MADE MY CAT LIGHT ON FIRE! F*** YOU! Narrator: … … … … SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO, the shampoo that makes everybody smile! Drop by your nearest store and by some today! SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO, so good that it’ll make you cry! Not the contents and chemicals in the shampoo, just the… prices… [Coughs] [Warning: do not get SQUIRTY’S TEARLESS SHAMPOO on human body.][/b] ------------ I was in the bathtub washing my hair when inspiration for this came... cut me some slack, of course this was about a month ago as well...

Esmé

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Wed Jan 03, 2007 7:16 pm

Esmé says... · Wed Jan 03, 2007 7:16 pm

kaolin, get a life...

As to the script, I really enjoyed it... I have an irresistable urge to go wash my hair*

LOL

It was funny and had humor - way better than most advertisements, hehe.

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Flemzo

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Sun Jan 28, 2007 8:13 pm

Flemzo says... · Sun Jan 28, 2007 8:13 pm

Wow... hilarious. And the YouTube video with it, amazing. Homophones are tricky ("buy" for "by" in "by some now"), but it was well written, and I laughed.

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Royboy

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Wed Feb 14, 2007 2:57 pm

Royboy says... · Wed Feb 14, 2007 2:57 pm

haha this is really great. :mrgreen:

I wish I could use it for my school's dinner theater.

randomness is good. keep it up =]

[url="www.royacrystaldoesnanowrimo.tumblr.com"]Follow my 2011 NaNoWriMo progress on tumblr[/url] or [url="http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/734471"]friend me on the official NaNoWriMo forums[/url]!

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Shadow120

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Tue Feb 27, 2007 7:57 pm

Shadow120 says... · Tue Feb 27, 2007 7:57 pm

One thing.. In media and English, they akways say to use 3 things in every list, especialy if you're trying to persuade someone to do/buy somthing. So maybe with the introduction, you should have 3 statements, and not 4? Give a better effect.. Just my oppinion. Other than that. Loved it

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omgsh mikey

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Mon Jul 16, 2007 7:25 pm

omgsh mikey says... · Mon Jul 16, 2007 7:25 pm

Very funny. I didn't see any grammatical errors, and even if I did, I forgot them.

And I liked your commercial on youtube. The voices were funny.

"This band is metal in that we have a lot of metal in our instruments, and there's quite a lot of metal on my belt buckle as well." - Mikey Way

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Rydia

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Mon Jul 16, 2007 8:47 pm

Rydia says... · Mon Jul 16, 2007 8:47 pm

Wow, don't you love how old posts get brought back up? This script was great but what is with you people and killing cats?

Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.

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Elizabeth

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Tue Jul 17, 2007 1:46 pm

Elizabeth says... · Tue Jul 17, 2007 1:46 pm

Me and a few friends were thinking of doing this in live action... instead of just the crappy cartoon I made without any help whatsoever... because I WAS ALL THE VOICES... but yeah...

I'll like... get onto that.

God damn, I love this script of mine.

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iQuippie

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Thu Aug 23, 2007 11:35 pm

iQuippie says... · Thu Aug 23, 2007 11:35 pm

rotfl!! XD I heart funny scripts. This sounds like something me and my friend would write together... we're award winning authors ya know... anyways, great hilarious commercial script thingy.

I think you're crazy, maybe.

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Frederick101

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Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:49 pm

Frederick101 says... · Thu Oct 04, 2007 10:49 pm

This is hilarious!! You should right comercials for a living!!

By the way I used that stuff and now i can see the future :smt003

"Your Mother Was a Hamster! And Your Father Smelled of Elderberries!" ~~French Soldier, Monty Python and The Holy Grail.

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Turn your demons into art, your shadow into a friend, your fear into fuel, your failures into teachers, your weaknesses into reasons to keep fighting. Don’t waste your pain. Recycle your heart.
— Andréa Balt

Squirty's Tearless Shampoo

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