blahhhh

3 posts
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onceuponatim3xo
Gender Female
Points 1807
Reviews 157
Fri Sep 18, 2009 5:25 am
onceuponatim3xo says... · Fri Sep 18, 2009 5:25 am
*deleted*
Last edited by onceuponatim3xo on Wed Aug 25, 2010 5:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
It is better to travel well than to arrive.
-Buddha
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bbqueen
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Points 1114
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Fri Sep 18, 2009 7:35 pm
bbqueen says... · Fri Sep 18, 2009 7:35 pm
Hi!!
You had a very interesting opening and that made me really want to read more. You need to make this longer though.
There's something delicious about writing those first few words of a story. Miss Potter
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Kamas
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Points 49068
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Sun Sep 20, 2009 7:24 pm
Kamas says... · Sun Sep 20, 2009 7:24 pm
This is interesting. It sounds seems like an advertisment/ you are trying to sell it or something.
I'd work on the imagery in this. Be more descriptive, tell us more. Put scents in our noses, sights in our mind, taste in our mouth etc.

Good job!

Kamas
"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles." ~ Charles Chaplin

#tnt
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3 posts


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