This is interesting. It sounds seems like an advertisment/ you are trying to sell it or something. I'd work on the imagery in this. Be more descriptive, tell us more. Put scents in our noses, sights in our mind, taste in our mouth etc.
Good job!
Kamas
"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles." ~ Charles Chaplin
Surround yourself with people who are serious about being writers, and who will tell you, ‘Hey—you can do better than this.’ Who will be critical of your work, but also supportive. And who will not be competitive in a negative way. — Isabel Quintero
