blahhhh

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Last edited by onceuponatim3xo on Wed Aug 25, 2010 5:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
It is better to travel well than to arrive.
-Buddha




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Hi!!
You had a very interesting opening and that made me really want to read more. You need to make this longer though.
There's something delicious about writing those first few words of a story. Miss Potter




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This is interesting. It sounds seems like an advertisment/ you are trying to sell it or something.
I'd work on the imagery in this. Be more descriptive, tell us more. Put scents in our noses, sights in our mind, taste in our mouth etc.

Good job!

Kamas
"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles." ~ Charles Chaplin

#tnt



Russets and tangerine shades of old gold flushing the very outside edge of the senses ... deep shining ochres, burnt umber and parchments of baked earth—reflecting on itself and through itself, filtering the light.
— Guildenstern (Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard)