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Chapter 1 - Part 1

Wolf · 2007-12-29T18:46:49Z

This is what I have so far for my story. I desperately need help, and...yeah. I know it's short but I wanted to make sure that there's nothing majorly wrong with it before I continue. CHAPTER 1 (Part 1) Ageless rock, crashing waves. She has become a part of them. It is true, she thought, and a smile tugged at her lips. She could feel the sun warming her shoulder blades and the smooth, cool pebbles shifting beneath her stomach as she inched closer to the water. Behind her, the trees whispered secrets. The salty breeze carried them to her ears. She loved the forest, too - she awoke to the twitter of birdsong and fell asleep to the haunting melodies of the nearby wolf pack. She sighed contentedly and poured a handful of sand from palm to palm, letting her mind wander. It was so good to be away from the hustle and bustle of the city, and even better to escape the cramped hallways of her school. Once she had moved up far enough to look into the water, she closed her eyes. The wind played with her hair and caressed her face with gentle fingers. The screech of gulls was soothing to her ears. She felt the endless rhythm of the sea all around her; in the gentle lapping of waves, in the soft kiss of the sun on her back. But it was a little too hot; her dark blue t-shirt and jeans were beginning to stick to her skin with sweat. Resignedly, she decided to get up. She slitted her eyes against the glare of sun on water, but suddenly they flew open in surprise. The face that stared back at her from the water was utterly alien; the only resemblance was the look of incredulous fear on their faces. The girl was...beautiful. She couldn't think of any other way to say it. Dark raven tresses framed a high-boned face. Perfect coral lips were parted in surprise; eyes the colour of the sea stared disbelievingly back at her. Gone were her messy oak-coloured locks, gone were her raggedy, bitten fingernails; replaced by perfect crescent moons unclogged with dirt. Ayra sprang away from the water with a cry, but there was no one else on the beach. Cautiously, she stared into the water again. The same beautiful girl stared back. Confusion clouded her mind. What happened to me? She sat down on a rock and took deep breaths, trying to calm herself. But as she clasped her knees to her chest, she saw that her body had also changed. Her limbs were smooth and lean, unblemished by mosquito bites. Her hands were slim and elegant. It's okay, she told herself, and lay on her back on the sand. What was this? What was happening? Once she had calmed down enough, she tried to untangle her thoughts. I wasn't like this a couple minutes ago, so I must have changed when I closed my eyes. Maybe if I close and open them again, I'll go back to normal. But even as she thought this, some part of her rebelled. In a tiny, selfish corner of her mind, she knew that she enjoyed this new beauty. What will I tell mom and dad? she wondered frantically, and as if on cue, her mother's voice drifted through the trees. "Ayra! It's time to eat lunch!" "I'm not hungry," she shouted. "I had a lot of snacks earlier." Fear passed through her like a hot wire as she heard twigs snap. Her mother was going to come onto the beach! --------------------------------------------------- I'm kind of stuck with the opening sentence. I know it's lame now, but I can't think of anything else that would work. Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated!

mintantlers

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Points 890

Reviews 17

Thu Jan 17, 2008 2:23 am

mintantlers says... · Thu Jan 17, 2008 2:23 am

Really great description in there, I loved you sensory details and how you really went in and started talking about everything. Great job! Good luck on your next story starters!

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R. J. Hoffman

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Points 890

Reviews 59

Thu Jan 17, 2008 4:45 am

R. J. Hoffman says... · Thu Jan 17, 2008 4:45 am

please pm me when you come out with new chapters so i can review

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Uh, Lisa, the whole reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think all the time. Just like that rainforest scare a few years back: our officials saw there was a problem and they fixed it, didn't they?
— Homer Simpson

Chapter 1 - Part 1

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