Inside of a Star [Chapter Four]

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synismysyn3
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Tue May 10, 2011 1:46 am
synismysyn3 says... · Tue May 10, 2011 1:46 am
-Removed-
Last edited by Azila on Fri May 20, 2011 1:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: User's request
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Qoh16
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Tue May 10, 2011 1:57 am
Qoh16 says... · Tue May 10, 2011 1:57 am
OMGGG!!! I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!! <3
~Life has a song for every moment in life. It is just the matter of finding the right one.~
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Soulkana
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Tue May 10, 2011 9:51 pm
Soulkana says... · Tue May 10, 2011 9:51 pm
Hey there Syn3,

First of all: YAY CHAPTER FOUR!!!!!!!!
Second: I really loved this haha. I can't really find anything wrong with this grammar and spelling wise so yay. Anyways I loved the emotion and the details. It makes it very compelling and a nice read. My favorite part has to be this:

I kicked and thrashed my legs as hard as I could towards the surface, but there was nothing that could save me. How fragile one’s life is, I thought to myself, my body relaxing and turning rigid once more. I lay in the water, feeling like my legs and arms were on fire from kicking. I’m dying, and I know I’m dying.

I didn’t even tell Dorian that I was pregnant with his baby.


Epic ending! Nice suspense! All in all very well done and I can't wait for more. Keep up the good work and Happy Writing!! Best of Wishes and Sayonara!!
Soulkana<3
May the gentle moon take you into peaceful dreams. May the mighty sun brighten your new days.
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