Man in the bola hat

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Wow, that is quite the story. Though it isn't all that short. I would have maybe put it into a short chapter book? Just giving you an idea.
There are a few errors, read over your work to find them. Also you switched from past and present tense a few times.
I liked the story line. Keep writing!
The hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay.




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I like this. Kind of creepy, but good. Who knew those little kid fairy tales could be so scary. I don't know if you plan on making this a novel but if you are writing more you might want to shorten the chapters a little bit. I also notice a few typo,
There wasn't an old women who lived in the *show*

I think you meant *shoe*
Well thats about it. Please write more soon, I'm dying to see what happens next. ~Dragongirl
"Every writer I know has trouble writing." - Joseph Heller

~ A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.~
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Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just stab Caesar!
— Gretchen Wieners