First Attempt- Old Story

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This is an old story i wrote in a highschool creative writing class. Any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated!
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Don't aim at success--the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side-effect of one's dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself.
— Viktor E. Frankl