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Something not working for my life

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Gender Male
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Something not working for my life
people telling me all these lies
wasting away, what a suprise
what all alone outside.

The chorus
The sun is shinning, but not for me
the sky is blue, grey to me


------------------------------------------
That's just the start and chorus
me and my friend wrote it
and i don't got the whole thing
memorized yet.




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Gender Female
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This is good, too short to really critque but you should have this part like this:

CHORUS
The sun is shinning, but not for me
the sky is blue, grey to me"

Insted of:

"The chorus
The sun is shinning, but not for me
the sky is blue, grey to me"

Can't wait to read the rest :D
***Honorary 11-Year-Old***

Heh-COT-ee-GUR-el

Got YWS?




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 154
I liked this I can't wait for u to have the rest of the song on here.*sits on a bench and waits*
Last edited by Armadian on Sun May 29, 2005 2:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Points 1212
Reviews 241
Something not working for my life


I think this wou;d be better as "sxomething's not working in my life"; to me personally it reads better.



As a former (and rather excellent) liar herself, Aru knew that, sometimes, speaking the truth felt like wrenching a thorn out of your side. But doing the opposite meant pretending it wasn't there. And that made every single step ache. It was no way to live.
— Roshani Chokshi, Aru Shah and the Nectar of Immortality