Obsidian is, as far as i know, a volcanic material and it can not be made into clothing. It would be better to say: his long obsidian coloured leather coat.
"After a few minutes, fed up he was, he drew his pistol. BOOM! BOOM! He squeezed off two shots into the night sky."
dont use sound effects. Thats where description comes in handy, say instead: After a few minutes, he was fed up and so drew his pistol, thundering two shots into the night sky
It's good! There are some grammar areas where you need to improve on, but it is good! Also, try breaking it up a bit so it is easier for us to read.
One pointer; I don't like it when you use the words "BOOM BOOM" I know you are trying to make use of onomatopoeia's, but I just don't see why you need to use "BOOM BOOM". Nice work, I'm off to read the second part now.
good stuff, i see quite allot of potential in this story. i agree that you probably shouln't put the BOOM BOOM! in it. it is very well paced. and now im going to go read the other part.
good stuff, i see quite allot of potential in this story. i agree that you probably shouln't put the BOOM BOOM! in it. it is very well paced. and now im going to go read the other part.
May you never steal, lie, or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, then lie with me all the nights of your life. And if you must cheat, then please, cheat death. — An Unknown Bride, Leap Year
