My only critique is that it has almost a complete absence of punctuation, making it a sort of run-on-sentence-poem. Poetry & Punctuation by me, might help you out a bit on that one.
Other than that, if you wrote this when you were nine, and you are now 13, this is four years old. Don't give us your "worst" (I'm not calling it your worst, I'm only saying I'm sure you write better now than when you were nine) give us your best. Why should we critique if your only showing us partially how good you really can be on your own? Hope that wasn't too disheartening ^^'
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.” ― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
Yes, I agree...I would stick to posting new work of yours--or at least within the last year. Something you write know will definitely be superior to something you wrote when you were nine, no matter how good you thought it was then.
That's alright the reason I put it up is because on some other places, it's gotten good AND bad reviews and I was wondering what would spring up on here.
May you never steal, lie, or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, then lie with me all the nights of your life. And if you must cheat, then please, cheat death. — An Unknown Bride, Leap Year
the reason I put it up is because on some other places, it's gotten good AND bad reviews and I was wondering what would spring up on here. 
