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dance beats and dark streets

Firestarter · 2005-02-26T23:36:10Z

your barely audible whispers amongst the constant echoes the fading, constant echoes of repetitive dance beats and background dance beats and the nonsensical chatter of digitally edited females near sparkling glasses with tomato sauce splatters and wannabe tropical plants reaching to the sticky ceiling of nauseous, sweeping fans and blue neon lights creating mysterious illuminations are lost. i wish that behind your spinning gleaming dark locks and the scintillating look that melts my shrivelled heart from those deep eyes and moisturised complexion of perfectly toned skin there was some fondness rather than fake touches and long awkward silences filled only by a bad joke which you laugh too hard at and subsequently dribble wine onto your bleached white top and you loath my presence. if i was in your high-heeled shoes, i'd hate me too.

Harley

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Points 1212

Reviews 241

Mon Feb 28, 2005 7:26 pm

Harley says... · Mon Feb 28, 2005 7:26 pm

Heh, great ending. Sounds like something out of Buffy *eyes Jack suspiciously* lol j/k :roll:

No offence, hekategirl, but i think that this poem would look too...uniform if it had capitals... My opinion though so...*shrugs* lol

with tomato sauce splatters

Didn't really like this line. The rest of the poem uses quite complex words and I think that this line is a little... dumbed down? Sorry, I don't know how to put it :oops:

Sorry if that was harsh, Jack.

I totally agree with you Sam! How do you Do that?! You can be funny and serious at the same time... *jealous* :evil:

lol Kewl poem overall.

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CoMpLeXiOn

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Points 890

Reviews 4

Wed Jun 11, 2008 1:36 am

CoMpLeXiOn says... · Wed Jun 11, 2008 1:36 am

I liked it.. there were some errors but mostly all right.
The second stanza was just "Wow",
Captialize those i's

other than that it was a pretty decent poem.

Good read.

"I have to remember my password? o.O"

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"Beneath this mask, there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask, there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof."
— V for Vendetta

dance beats and dark streets

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