The Lion Kills

Hi, guys! I would sincerely love you to critique this one

-laydra


The Lion Kills

Hate is like the lion,
ripping into its prey
and destroying the
spirit, unrelenting
in its pursuit to destroy
both the hunter and the
hunted, severing the life
cord, causing many pains.
Hate is a lot like the lion,
fierce and controlling.
Hate is a lot like the lion,
for the lion kills.

Laydra wrote:Hi, guys! I would sincerely love you to critique this one

-laydra


The Lion Kills

Hate is like the lion,:arrow: Now, when you say something like that, when you make a comparison, you have to say why is it like that.

...

in its pursuit to destroy,
both the hunter and the

...

Hate is a lot like the lion,:) I liked this, it gives a reminder to the reader what the story is about and a deeper meaning...

fierce and controlling.
Hate is a lot like the lion, ...but again, this repetition doesn't work, so change it.
for the lion kills.

I liked this because it has a strong message. The flow was good. There's sure a place for improvement so I'm counting on that.
My only big suggestion would be that you change the lion. Lions are animals that kill to eat, not to destroy something. Also because of tons of other words that can be in that place like (I don't know, this will be silly:? ...like murderer-where you can make some dark atmosphere).
Hope I helped.

This poem sports an adequate metaphor. you did well but you should try a metaphor that's alittle more provacotive.

I myself have written poem on hatred but I put in an entirely different and revealed anew truth about it.

to write something is to teach someone.