The Summer is Ending

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This one is only so-so, but I'm not sure how to make it better. Thanks for all your suggestions!

Summer is Ending
By Romance Otaku (http://romanceotaku.com/)


The wind must be fast
I think to myself as I watch the clouds glide past
The blustery breeze; I missed it
Summer was so hot that I could only sit

The clouds; low and gray
Yet they carry on their journey, no words to say
Oh, burning hot days
Finally fall has come to take you all away

I know the seasons will battle more,
But summer is at death's door
Hoards of students will lament at it's funeral
I, for one, will instead thank God it's cool
~Did I help you? If so, please take a second to sign my website's guestbook at http://joeduncko.com/guestbook/. When it gets 100 signs, I plan to release my newest short story! Thanks!




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I like this piece..:)
The last line was nice.. a different spin to the end of summer, for once.
Personally, I'm not a huuge fan of rhyming poems.. that tend to make writing seem childish and crude. However, you've done a good job with it in this one. The rhyming was pretty subtle, even though it was everywhere. There were SOME phrases that seemed a little bit forced in order to make the rhyme, but not super duper. I would try to work on the flow a bit. The lines are varying length, which makes the rhyme scheme a bit useless, as it isn't able to do it's job, and pull all the stanzas together. Maybe make some of the lines a bit more concise.
The imagery is nice, and I like the topic. Nice job. c:


Coral




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I really enjoyed this poem. The first line really inspired me to read further as to why the wind must be fast. I view it as kind of humorous how you were pointing out what many would view as unpleasent yet you were in celebration of summer's end. I was a bit confused on the first read due to the lack of punctuation on what was meant to be in quotes. But then I added a little common sense and figured it out. Great job. I will read more of your work.
The imagintion is only your mind trying to set itself free.



Act in the valley so that you need not fear those who stand on the hill.
— Danish proverb