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Last edited by meganTQ on Sat Aug 13, 2011 5:05 pm, edited 5 times in total.
~Una palabra no dice nada y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo~ Carlos Varela




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I think this is one of my favourite poems i've read on here.

The rhythm and full rhyme make it flow magnificently, and your imagery is enchanting. I'm not entirely sure of exactly what it's about , but i have my theories...

Just one little thing i'd mention:
Wait, your life has just begun.
Wait a little while.
They'll see you soaring past the sun,
you'll just laugh and smile.

I feel like this final line perhaps needs an extra beat to make it flow with the rest of the poem. Having said that, this is my favourite stanza.

I look forward to seeing more from you!




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This is a very beautiful poem. I have one suggestion on the wording, though. Where you say "be careful in your tread," maybe you could replace it with, "be careful where you tread." It just sounded a little odd to me. I'm sorry if I'm being obsessive :)
Otherwise, it's a very beautiful poem. Keep writing, I'm eager to read more of your work!
A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes. I screamed aloud as it tore through them and now it's left me blind.
Florence and the Machine, Cosmic Love




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Some lines you capitalize the first letter and others you don't. Maybe it's just me, but I think you should capitalize them all. I like the poem alot. Great job.
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel



I was flummoxed by fractious Franny's decision to abrogate analgesics for the moribund victims of the recent conflagration. Of course, to display histrionics was discretionary, but I did so anyways, implicating a friend in my drama to make the effect cumulative. I think a misanthrope would have a prosaic appellation, perhaps one related to autonomy and the rejection of anthropocentrism. I think they wouldn't think much of the prominence of watching the coagulation of tea to prognosticate future malevolent events, not even if those events were related to jurisprudence.
— Spearmint