Parting is such Sweet Sorrow

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Araidne
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Tue Oct 31, 2006 3:09 pm
Araidne says... · Tue Oct 31, 2006 3:09 pm
I'd rather say hello than say goodbye.
I'd raher greet, than I would cry.
To laugh, than weep.
To walk than creep.
To have a restful, peaceful sleep.
But the time does come for us to part,
Despite the breaking of our hearts.
And soon I'll be home, and soon I'll be home.
And soon I'll be at my sweet, sweet home.
Free to dance and free to roam.
Out flew the web, and floated wide,
The mirror cracked from side to side.
'The curse has come upon me' cried
The Lady of Shalott
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in_too_deep
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Tue Oct 31, 2006 4:15 pm
in_too_deep says... · Tue Oct 31, 2006 4:15 pm
overall, i thought it was quite meaningful and i did like it. However, in the last couple of lines it sounds as though you dont know what else to say, so you repeat yourself. other than that, good job :)
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Kay Kay
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Tue Oct 31, 2006 9:05 pm
Kay Kay says... · Tue Oct 31, 2006 9:05 pm
It had a good meaning. The only part that got me just like in_too_deep said is the end. Instead of repeating yourself just keep one of those lines.
Quarrels would not last long if the fault were only on one side.
--La Rochedoucauld

"An unexamined life is not worth living..."
---Socraties
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plumalicious
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Wed Nov 01, 2006 7:33 pm
plumalicious says... · Wed Nov 01, 2006 7:33 pm
Yeah, I like this! Especially the rhythm...it flowed quite well while i was reading it.
Nice work :D
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