Cleansing

5 posts
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Myriadne
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 48
Thu Feb 10, 2005 10:54 pm
Myriadne says... · Thu Feb 10, 2005 10:54 pm
I need a shower
to wash away the residue
of you

Exfoliate away
this crust
of old memories

Serenade myself
into oblivion
beneath the
gushing stream

Etch the word
with a damp fingertip
in the steam on the mirror

Goodbye
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convintojm
Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 73
Fri Feb 11, 2005 12:43 am
convintojm says... · Fri Feb 11, 2005 12:43 am
i really like it, the idea and the execution. though i'm not sure about etch in the fourth stanza because to me etching implies actually leaving an indent in the suface.
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Skye
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Points 890
Reviews 145
Fri Feb 11, 2005 10:58 pm
Skye says... · Fri Feb 11, 2005 10:58 pm
I like it too, but I also agree with convintojm. Trace? Scrawl? I don't know, but "etch" does imply the wrong thing.

Overall, it was really good, and it flowed beautifully!
"A poet in love is best encouraged in both capacities or neither." ~ Jane Austen, Emma.
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-KayJuran-
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 324
Fri Feb 11, 2005 11:18 pm
-KayJuran- says... · Fri Feb 11, 2005 11:18 pm
i love this too! its so simple and yet it tells you so much!

i agree with convintojm and sky though... 'etch' could
perhaps be changed to something different...

read aloud, this really does flow... good work!
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Myriadne
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 48
Tue Feb 15, 2005 3:58 am
Myriadne says... · Tue Feb 15, 2005 3:58 am
Thanks for the comments, I guess you are right about "etch" I might change it.
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5 posts


Y'know, sometimes a family is a mutant superhuman clown with cartoony powers, a hyperactive shapeshifter created in a lab, the ghost of an artificially created being who only exists for exposition, a cat who is an eldritch god for some reason, and an emo guy who doesn't canonically exist
— GengarIsBestBoy