Eclipse

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A dark cloud eclipses my heart
The turmoil and pain, a warm sea
I cannot find the sun.
Problems are like mould; if not stopped,they grow and spread until even the air is filled with the poison of their spores.




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I've never been much of a hiku [or however you spell it] fan, but I liked this one. I know this isn't much of a critique as it is more of a congradulations, hiaku's are hard to write [and have them be good] bravo!









-Brooke
"Every-thing's broken there's no way around
It's so hard to smile
When you bring me down."
-
Me.




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Thanks. It's not a haiku though, but that's okay.
Problems are like mould; if not stopped,they grow and spread until even the air is filled with the poison of their spores.




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Short, but sweet. I like it.
It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. - George Orwell, 1984

Where in the world is Enoch Root?




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oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, it was just so short and I don't really know tha layout for a haiku, and it just looked like one..
I don't know about you, but I sure think that could pass off as a haiku!

My apoligies,

~~:Brooke:~~
"Every-thing's broken there's no way around
It's so hard to smile
When you bring me down."
-
Me.




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 24
Pretty short...i assume you were going for effect. it definatly does give an effect being so short but i think you should wait until more comes to you and add it onto this because just as a reader its easy to overlook because its only 3 lines.
just a though



It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats—the hobbit was fond of visitors. The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill —The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it—and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another.
— JRR Tolkien