Costs

6 posts
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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 11
This is rather awkward for me. I've never posted on this board or asked for contructive critism on a poem. Well, here goes nothing.

He stands at your side
Your hand entwined with his
I think of the days when he was in my reach
I look to you
Beaming in his presence
To interfere would have cost too much

I stand at your side
Playfully punching him
He laughs
I laugh
You laugh along
We are content
This costs nothing




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Gender Female
Points 6165
Reviews 665
very good! i loved this! I CANT EVEN COME UP WITH ANY COMMENTS OR SUGGESTIONS! way wicked! case CLOSED.




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Gender None specified
Points 6831
Reviews 594
Beautiful. Absolutely amazing. Now, if only I could feel so content with my friends' relationships.. :?




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Gender Female
Points 10087
Reviews 701
I loved it too. It seems to end a bit abruptly IMHO, but it is definitely effective like that. Nice concept here. I look forward to seeing some more of your work around, SilverWright.
Got a poem or short story you want me to critique?

There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it. (C D Morley)




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 321
i like this. perhaps a bit too simple, but you have a good concept and it was well-written.
purple sneakers




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 137
I love it - I can relate to that poem yet I find it hard to be content.
Its an amazing peom you should be very proud of it :)
Wouldn't change anything !!
'Sadistic lies we form like the web of a spider, the truth we hide like our flaws.'



You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.
— J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan