Alone

3 posts
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Gender Female
Points 1085
Reviews 2
Alone I walk through the deep, dark forest.
Alone I cry.
Alone I watch the shadows looming,
Alone. You don't hear me sigh.

Alone my voice echoes with pain.
Alone I yearn.
Alone my feet stumble over rocks.
Alone I burn.

Alone my heart cracks and breaks.
Alone I fall.
Alone to pick myself up and keep on going.
Alone I crawl.

Alone I step into a lonely glade.
Alone I cry.
Alone I try and make it....
But alone I die.
Last edited by BumbleBear on Sat Feb 27, 2010 5:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Gender Male
Points 990
Reviews 4
It's alright, nothing special but there's not anything wrong with it that i could find (except that last paragraph is a little weird)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 566
hey Bumblebear welcome to YWS!

To be honest I didn't really enjoy this poem much, I found that the repetition was a little annoying after a while, sometimes repetition can be very effective but I feel that this poem lacks what it takes. There is no real depth or meaning that I can see, and I think that if you are not sure about a stanza then you need to look over it.

Read through it and see how it flows and what sounds right and wrong, it always helps!

Keep writing!

meevs
x
Bag.

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