It'll Be Okay

18 posts1, 2
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 4
Great job! I truly enjoyed your poem(though I didn't completely understand it) You seem to be a very emotional writer. What i mean by that is you make me feel your emotions. I think you could work on . . . well i don"t see anything you need to work on. Again, good job!
Some people blame our generation, but have they stopped to think, who RAISED us?
-photo bucket quote




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 12
this poem hits pretty close to home with most people. it's graphic, and touching, and purely painful and emotional.

the only real complaint i have is the last stanza, it seems like it's a little confusing to me. i also do not like the phrase "heart-breaking tears". it sounds like you made a word up because you couldn't find a better one.
i would suggest "crushing" or maybe "heartfelt" or "shattering".

shattering/shattered/crushing/heartfelt tears sounds much more intense, and painful than heart-breaking.

i like it!
Kisba
(-it hurts to see the ones you love with the ones they love more-)




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 28282
Reviews 884
Aww, sad. :(
Still, I have to review honestly.
Negatives: I think the repetition of some of the lines took something away. I was also confused by the last part, when you talk about a son? I thought a father was losing his daughter, but now...? I'm...confused...
Positives: Emotional piece that definately made me sad. And the whole point of poetry is to make people feel something, isn't it? Gotta give you props there.
In general, this was a good piece that could continue to be perfected. Keep writing.
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket



You walk into this room at your own risk, because it leads to the future, not a future that will be but one that might be. This is not a new world, it is simply an extension of what began in the old one. It has patterned itself after every dictator who has ever planted the ripping imprint of a boot on the pages of history since the beginning of time. It has refinements, technological advances, and a more sophisticated approach to the destruction of human freedom. But like every one of the super states that preceded it, it has one iron rule: logic is an enemy and truth is a menace.
— Rod Serling