Starlight

4 posts
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KnightlyAngel09
Gender Female
Points 1802
Reviews 261
Fri Apr 29, 2011 1:26 am
KnightlyAngel09 says... · Fri Apr 29, 2011 1:26 am
I wish that I could dance with you
Beneath the starlit night;
Walk upon a silver moonbeam,
And bathe ourselves in light.

I wish the stardust in our souls
Would shine with all it’s might;
And never shall the fire in
Our hearts be doused by fright.

I wish you saw the light in you
That shines forever bright;
I wish the matches in your soul
Would strike and thus, ignite.

It is too dark, you cannot see
Past this shadowed night;
But dearest, if you only knew:
You’re a star in your own right.
Last edited by KnightlyAngel09 on Fri Apr 29, 2011 4:49 am, edited 2 times in total.
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you.:)
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bluewaterlily
Gender Female
Points 3342
Reviews 108
Fri Apr 29, 2011 1:44 am
bluewaterlily says... · Fri Apr 29, 2011 1:44 am
Hi Knightly. :) I saw you posted and after reading this I decided to review your poem.

I wish the stardust in our souls
Will shine with all it’s might

Will should be would.

I wish you saw the light in you

Maybe it's just me, but the wording sounding a little awkward. I think it would sound better if you re-worded it as "I wish you could see the light in you"

Overall: This was such a beautiful poem. I love the way you worded it and the vivid descriptions from the poem. Knightly, you are a really gifted poet. I can't wait to see more of your works. Hope I helped. Keep writing

~Blue.
"A poet is, before anything else, a person who is passionately in love with language." - W.H. Auden
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mellophone7
Gender Female
Points 1617
Reviews 112
Fri Apr 29, 2011 2:57 am
mellophone7 says... · Fri Apr 29, 2011 2:57 am
I loved this. It's a short, yet completely beautiful piece. I wish I could say more, but, really, that's about it. Keep writing!! :)
"The difficulty of literature is not to write, but to write what you mean." -Robert Louis Stevenson
"Write or die trying."
JA hatar pisanje.
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MrsSGriffiths
Gender None specified
Points 1040
Reviews 12
Fri Apr 29, 2011 2:56 pm
MrsSGriffiths says... · Fri Apr 29, 2011 2:56 pm
I actually really enjoyed reading this poem! It was short and to the point, it had a delightful rhyme scheme and didn't require several minutes to read nor a lot of brain power to appreciate. I love it. Keep up the good work!
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4 posts


It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats—the hobbit was fond of visitors. The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill —The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it—and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another.
— JRR Tolkien