Mental Health

my relationship with food has been pretty bad lately. i feel like its been weird for a a long long time, but its just gotten worse as time goes on. everytime i eat something, i end up just regretting it rlly badly and my stomach hurts. i dont enjoy it like i used to and i cant seem to eat anything without looking at how many calories is in it (and obsessing over it) and i feel like i'm not deserving of food unless i "earn" it. its an on and off thing bc some days i will eat whatever and feel extreme regret later and even cry and feel disgusting. then other days i avoid food as much as i can. i cannot avoid meals entirely despite wanting to bc my parents are around when i eat breakfast and dinner and i just know they would be mad if they found out. and ik all of this is probably bad for me, but I cant help it.