Queer Inklings

i know now that i am a lesbian not because i disliked kissing a man or because my old crushes on guys were superficial. i know it because when i imagine the rest of my life spent never loving a woman again, it depresses me to no end. i think that there might be a piece of me missing if that were to happen.
for so long i've struggled with whether or not i was attracted to men. i heard it tossed around a lot that "being lesbian has nothing to do with men" and i didn't get it for the longest time. i think i get it now. and while a part of me is relieved that i have "figured it out" (i'm sure i'll have another crisis over it soon enough) it fills me with a sense of dread.
i have no "other option" that will please my parents. i am unable to reason with myself and say that i can love who i want while keeping them in my life. if they don't support me, i am either stuck with a husband, forever missing something, or i am stuck without the people who made me who i am.
it's a choice i'll have to make eventually. i think it colors everything i do.