Ofour

It's a very nice theme but the 9 out of 11 lines all rhyming doesn't agree with me. It sounds very much like a chant, if the rhythm was a ...

"taking the chairs like lions taking zebra's organs" lol

Whoa. :shock: That is good. Seriously good.

Formatted, Prologue and Chapter 1 edited (slightly).

It probably isn't clear but this is two younfg people arguing over a sweet. Sorry to ruin the ending, lol.

It didn't sound fluent, it sounded awkward.

I think its beautiful the way this flows. The rhythm works brilliantly. The rhyme scheme matches the rhythm and aids the fluidity of the piece. I think it's great.

I like the style, short and icy. I don't think that the hyphens in the first stanza are necessary. I really enjoyed it.

good point. naughty me. [slaps hand]

That is precisely the effect I wanted the piece to have. There is no replacement for the ellipses and the " shows that the whatever-it-is exists, whereas the second " ...

Perfectly ridiculous and eloquently so, as always. I loved this, the idea is so absurd that I can do nothing but stutter in disbelief.

Hilarity at its finest. One can say no more but can wonder a your abstract absurdity.