i'm late as always

7 posts
User avatar
Saruka
Gender None specified
Points 1435
Reviews 57
Thu Apr 06, 2017 3:32 pm
Saruka says... · Thu Apr 06, 2017 3:32 pm
we are 6 days in and I'm only starting now
welp hopefully I can make it
a lesbian disaster
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User avatar
PrincessInk
Gender Female
Points 46306
Reviews 373
Thu Apr 06, 2017 4:26 pm
PrincessInk says... · Thu Apr 06, 2017 4:26 pm
Good luck!
always daydreaming, always clumsy
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User avatar
Saruka
Gender None specified
Points 1435
Reviews 57
Sun Apr 09, 2017 11:19 pm
Saruka says... · Sun Apr 09, 2017 11:19 pm
I was told
When I grew up
The world would be so beautiful
So I'm older, mom, dad,
I'm honestly kind of skeptical.
Well I'm really behind so get ready for nonsense poem spams
a lesbian disaster
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User avatar
Saruka
Gender None specified
Points 1435
Reviews 57
Thu Apr 27, 2017 12:18 pm
Saruka says... · Thu Apr 27, 2017 12:18 pm
breathe in

breathe out

shaking, walk up to her

wait for her conversation to end

does she even know I'm there?

tap her on the shoulder shyly

say hi

hold on, she gestures

talk, talk, talk

.

turn to me

i shake

breathe again

i say the three clichéd words that, in any old fairytale or storybook

would bond us forever

she just stares wide-eyed

and laughs

laughs.

.

now everyone knows what happened

now i get rude stares in the hall

for just admitting how I felt

for just saying my feelings out loud

for speaking the truth

.

i am, in fact, a female.
hold on here we go posting all the poems I wrote but didn't post in here get ready
a lesbian disaster
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User avatar
Saruka
Gender None specified
Points 1435
Reviews 57
Thu Apr 27, 2017 12:20 pm
Saruka says... · Thu Apr 27, 2017 12:20 pm
How amazing it must be

to be free of self-harm, depression, anxiety, and suicide

How great it must feel

To be confident again

-

I do wonder sometimes

What life would be like if I had believed in myself

To have had a mind

A mind uncluttered with thoughts of pills and guns and bleach and wrist cuts

A passion for life

Something to look forward to for tomorrow

-

To go home

And think of something other than knives

It must be great.

Not spending your long hours wishing others could see you drowning

And throw you a life preserver

But your life is anything but preserved

-

To be able to see the beauty in life

Must be the most amazing thing in the world

To forget the words

The words sharper than a sword blade

The ones that cause me to forgo everything

To plant my face in my pillow and cry

-

Ugly, fat, nerd, stupid

Just an excerpt of the daily spears thrown at me

Not by others

-

But by myself

It’s worse that way.

Anxiety can see inside my head,

Accuse me of lying

Telling me exactly what my weaknesses are

No bully can read your mind

Bullies and antagonists only guess

So does anxiety

But who would you believe?

-

Lucky are the ones who made it through

Without even a thought of self-harm

Who lived easily through the times

The times deadliest for many others

-

Even worse are the roller-coasters

that lead others to think “Golly,

this girl can’t be depressed. She was

laughing with her friends just a minute ago,”

Yeah. And tonight I’m going to find out that

You can’t strangle yourself to death

And cry because I thought that was the easiest way

The quickest way

Defiant plans run through my mind like how to steal

A knife from the kitchen

Too many painkillers from the medicine cabinet

A gun from the closet

Bleach from the laundry room

And end it all

-

Posting on social media one last time,

“I’m going to go drink bleach, stop me if you want to”

And everyone thinks it’s a joke

Responses like ‘Lol’ and ‘Omg me tho’ and ‘I want some XD’

Flood the comments of my suicide threat

When one ‘Please don’t’ could have stopped it all.

Is my life a joke?

-

What would it be like it your life didn’t depend on a few words?

What would it be like to go a whole day without crying?

One day where my humor didn’t have to include ‘shooting’ myself.

One day to be free from the near unbreakable ties of depression.

-

What would it be like?

I sigh and wish.
a lesbian disaster
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User avatar
Saruka
Gender None specified
Points 1435
Reviews 57
Thu Apr 27, 2017 12:21 pm
Saruka says... · Thu Apr 27, 2017 12:21 pm
me

unlike you

am genuinely crying

you mock my tears

use them for your own entertainment

so when you see me you think I'm the one forcing tears.

.

i

unlike you

am actually falling

you lower yourself to the ground laughing

while i crash and burn

and you see me and think i'm going to get up

.

i

unlike you

am screaming

screaming for anyone to help me

while you use my pain for comedy

..

we

as society

see lethal humor as common

and with no fault

so when i cry out to you,

casually mentioning my choice in a conversation

you laugh a little and stop.

.

silence thumps in my brain

you seem to me as if you don't care

my friend won't save me

..

you

you silenced my cries

my pain

my screams

.

because you thought it was funny
a lesbian disaster
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User avatar
Saruka
Gender None specified
Points 1435
Reviews 57
Thu Apr 27, 2017 12:21 pm
Saruka says... · Thu Apr 27, 2017 12:21 pm
I am the one forced to walk behind;

the one which they all leave drained and alone.

I am the one in which conversations

halt and turn silent as i speak.

-

I am the one who goes off on tangents;

the absolute, ultimate fangirl.

I am talking and talking and talking again

only because they never listen.

-

I am the one ignored in groups;

I am never asked to sleep over.

I am the one whose interests and dreams

clash with theirs inexplicably

-

I am the girl categorized as ‘emo’;

called names behind my back I can't begin to form

I am the ever-lonely group member.

Can I even be called a friend?
a lesbian disaster
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7 posts


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— H. Jackson Brown