Where the Sky Divides

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lillizard
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 2:42 am
lillizard says... · Fri Apr 20, 2007 2:42 am
I do not like this line...

The sky paints a painting of art.


It's very repetitive...'paints a painting' and typically a painting IS art, so that seems repetitive as well. I feel like this line is forced because you needed it to rhyme with the last line, but that makes it sound bad. Rhyme schemes are only good when they are written around the poem, not when the poem is written around the rhyme.

Other than that, I have no idea where you are going with this--but it needs more.

Happy Editing,
WM
If you are a dreamer, come in. If you are a wisher, a lier, a magic bean buyer. If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire, For we have some flax-golden tales to spin Come In! Come In!~Shel Silverstein
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Snoink
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 5:10 am
Snoink says... · Fri Apr 20, 2007 5:10 am
Er... where is this from? You may want to copy this and repost it so the author can see this.

*moves to Randomness*
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
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lillizard
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Fri Apr 20, 2007 9:31 pm
lillizard says... · Fri Apr 20, 2007 9:31 pm
?!? Somebody changed my post?!?
If you are a dreamer, come in. If you are a wisher, a lier, a magic bean buyer. If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire, For we have some flax-golden tales to spin Come In! Come In!~Shel Silverstein
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3 posts


For in everything it is no easy task to find the middle ... anyone can get angry—that is easy—or give or spend money; but to do this to the right person, to the right extent, at the right time, with the right motive, and in the right way, that is not for everyone, nor is it easy; wherefore goodness is both rare and laudable and noble.
— Aristotle