Review Day Starts in 14 hours Info

Mortal Nemesis

2 posts
Random avatar
wildlove100%
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 20
Wed May 09, 2007 7:41 am
wildlove100% says... · Wed May 09, 2007 7:41 am
n/a
Last edited by wildlove100% on Mon Apr 06, 2009 1:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
Quote




User avatar
Matt Bellamy
Supporter
Gender Female
Points 23925
Reviews 570
Wed Sep 19, 2007 4:51 pm
Matt Bellamy says... · Wed Sep 19, 2007 4:51 pm
*Gasp* 9th of May? Why hasn't this been critiqued?
Shame on you, YWS!

Anyway, I liked this. It flowed nicely, the rhythm is good, and I like the concept. However:

I think in the first line you might mean "laid bare"?
and
"It was I I'd feared," might sound better if it was changed to "It was myself I had feared".

Aside from that, good job.
Matt.
Quote

2 posts


Someday, everything is going to go right for you, and it will be so wonderful you won't even know what to do.
— Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham, Questionable Content