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Writing Challenge 2/6: Temple of Innocence

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Sorry...taking this off...
Last edited by mystical*dragons on Sun Feb 26, 2006 2:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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All of these topics facsinate me... God, I loved it...
Why can people think better than me?
*taps foot impatiently*

This was beautiful... I mean... like... WHOA! Great... I'm crying now... it's not fair! *tries to steal your talent*




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Ah, don't we love sex stories? :P

Pretty stuff mostly. I just have one problem with these two lines:

Footsteps whisper on smooth, white marble…silver anklets hinting songs of the ancient.


I think the ellipsis (...) are a little mispaced in that sentence. Go here for more information about that.

Look at you, so pure, your skin so unmarked.


You probably shouldn't use the word "so" twice. I would write it as "Look at you, so pure, your skin unmarked." I don't know... it sounds more poetic to me.

Nice stuff, by the way.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D



Every time I’ve gotten feedback that was hard to take it was usually hard to take because there was truth in it and I didn’t like that (or didn’t want to receive it). That’s not to say all harsh feedback is good or that we should be harsh for harshness’ sake, but learning to absorb truth without letting it break your inner core/break you is a lifelong skill that keeps your mind elastic and open to learning.
— soundofmind