Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
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text version:
Spoiler
four. mayibeexcused
one night, after dinner (we ate lamb with our hands)
my father stepped out of the room and did
not come back. we searched, knowing
the boundary between outside and in.
i think the house might have
swallowed him whole.
(we have gone through too many cats;
the animal shelter has blacklisted us.)
the house grew quieter. the walls were
warm and a little damp, like the
inside of a cheek. i traced my hand along it
until I found the lips, and with all my strength
i tried to part them. they did not
part. they only tightened.
above me, the ceiling began to grind.
i remember that it started small.
like tiny milk teeth
hailing from the sky, rattling on the roof tiles.
each tooth was one i had not grown.
then,
the stones came.
as big
as a fist
as
big as
a my
(her)
mouth
e
the roof opened up like a jaw, and i was the tongue
and the stones tasted like chalk and ice and weather
and the sun, the sun, which i had only been told about,
stood in the kitchen like a guest. she smiled and gathered
up the teeth in greedy handfuls.
4. (it is rude to leave before the bones are clean.)
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the ghoulish S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - The narrator’s father disappears into the house. They look for him, but then the house opens up and so the stones rain down. Can the narrator finally leave? Or is there more that awaits them?
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like that now the house itself seems to be alive, because of everything that’s happened in it, it has all that energy contained within the walls. I also like that the house starts breaking down because it cannot contain it all anymore and so the sun spills in. This kind of reminds me of the ending of Carrie.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely poem about teeth and homes and sunlight. I have enjoyed reading this collection and will be certain to read more of these poems that you have mentioned. These were quite delightful and…
I wish you a gorgeous day/night! ^v^
i love that you picked up on the carrie reference! i was rereading it as i wrote these and it inspired this poem <3
yess I love Carrie and was happy to see this!
I read through your whole collection "a body that will not behave", enraptured. each one is so visceral and creative. I love the use of parentheses and footnotes. I honestly admire and aspire to your command of language and imagery.
and creates a sense of catharsis as the mouth that imprisons the speaker becomes the thing that releases them. There's an interesting sense of reversal as the speaker is freed from the violence that surrounds them by the violence of the weather.To me, this poem seemed to represent escape from an oppressive environment. The juxtaposition between
I especially liked the image of the teeth raining down. The formatting in the line is so evocative of scraggly milk teeth in a mouth, or a haphazard rhythm.
The personification of the sun as a smiling guest is very interesting. It's a very gentle image, a huge contrast to the sombre and severe beginning.
Overall, I found this poem fascinating. Thank you for sharing it!
thank you so much for your review, cyan!