Published July 10, 2012
Danny- I'm not depressed (let's out a sigh) at least I don't think so. Look I'm just anxious (Sits and curls up in to a ball.) I mean everything is changing around me and I don't know how to cope with it. (Runs fingers through hair.) I mean I tried a relationship but that didn't help it just in a lot of ways made things worse. I mean she didn't herself just her view of the world (Lets out a sigh of discontent.) So shallow so black and white, so money is great and important, It was a waste of my time that left me even more worried and depressed. I mean I've been through this before, these times when I'm just not sure of what's going to happen next. (Begins shaking and crying.) I mean I can't go through it again losing everything that keeps me stable, keeps me sane, (Let's out a breath.) I mean it's not exactly like last time I have people that care about me where I'm going but, some how it feels worse. I mean, I know I need to go off to college but I don't think I'm ready. (Get's up pacing.) I mean I'm smart enough, or at least I think I am, I got in just off my singing a talent I've honed and practiced to no end. (Sit's back down.) But even then I'll be a nobody a no one in a small town. I'll be the big shot city kid that sticks out like a sore thumb. (Talking in a hysterical high pitched voice.) And I mean I'm so confident that I could turn that little college town in to a happening place, but it's pointless. (Sit's down looking desolate.) So I look in to the future holding on to nothing, completely uncertain, and hoping against hope that I can make it.
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142,252 Literary Works • 677,086 Reviews
This is a pretty good monologue! Here is some stuff to think about.
Good:
Your stage directions were good. But maybe you should make them a little less specific so the actor can go with their own instincts and make it their own
Great subject matter, I could really tell what this kid was feeling about college and stuff.
Great opportunities for acting beats.
He also seemed very much like a real person, so not flat or one-dimensional.
Other things:
There were a lot of grammatical errors, namely apostrophes.
Some of your sentences had kind of a strange flow.
You should add a little closure to the end by bringing the topic back to the girl somehow.
Good monologue! Keep at it!
Heyy,
This is a good effort.
But I really think you should try re-framing it.
It would come out better if you avoid mentioning those movement of the protagonist in brackets, rather make it a part of your story. It would create a really good effort.
The line, 'She didn't herself just her view of the world' doesn't quite make sense, try re-writing the line into something like 'She didn't quite view my world, like I viewed hers'.
And try avoiding 'I mean' it disturbs the flow of your content.
If you could correct a few minor mistakes here and there, this would come out great.
Nice job, looking forward to read more from her.
Keep writing ~
- Dreamergirl.
It seems that I have the honor of reviewing two of your pieces tonight, and my first question is whether this ties in with your break-up monologue. Anyways, I think that this is great. I very well depicts an inner struggles and what the character is feeling. Good stage directions and great job. Keep it up!
Wow that's really great! Being an amature actor myself I could very much imagine doing this scene. I liked the directions you gave of what you think the actor should be doing at each exact moment. I'm not very good at critiqing, the only thing I could think of was that it could use a pause somewhere/