i. leimakid
i am bound by love
to the glistening ghosts
of the trembling leaves.
beneath my skin, a fragile bud
of hope makes a weak nest
for itself of broken branches,
of dappled moss,
of fear
feebly beating
its downy wings: & only
once per hour now does envy
make my heart
sk ip a b eat
ii. pasiphaë
i study how the hourglass
stretches out across her back;
i watch her switch of slendered calves
illuminate her brindled halves.
i know her storming scorn still
scorches me --
she's cold & haughty,
sun-dripped, tau(gh)t & free.
the sheen of ichor glosses
dimly the flicker of her
holy marrow - i see the throb of her
achilles aching to snap from her skin -
she's a delicate
doe, so sleek, so
thin -
iii. selene
i felt my world shift with
the swift grip of your square jaw,
locked & rounded in the broad paw
of your palm. &
now i know
there are breaths
better kept
swallowed.
we watch
a death, a shocker of a dream,
& spin it several shades
of subtle green. &
now i know
that your paths
are duly
followed.
i left the scent
of your hierarchy
tucked neatly
in the forest of my hair,
& now when the wind
roars through it
i feel at home again. &
now i know
that the thick of
the fright i've been feeling
is hollowed.
there is such beauty
in the way soft words
leap from your tongue
like birds, in the colored click
of bright spring glass in
your fingers as serenity
wreathes through the veins
of the perseas,
in the sunshine
of your voice,
in the splash of light
that floods through
the open window,
in the knowing shapes
of our half-smiles
as the golden lights crunch
to dust below your hands.
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142,249 Literary Works • 677,084 Reviews
Hey there! I am so excited to review this! (I think it's a hard act to follow some of the other reviews you've already received, but I had started this before the weekend and then promptly misplaced my laptop charger and you probably know where that story went. BUT, because I had already started a review, I might as well finish it.)
First of all, I just want to say that you have written something very beautiful, thoughtful, and I can feel and understand the intention behind it all. I am personally a big fan of wordplay, playing with punctuation - both in the grammatical and visual sense (read: use of ampersands) - and utilizing form so that the poem is a holistic experience for the beholder. Maybe that means I'm a bit biased already towards your poem, as these are all my personal preferences in my own poetry, but so be it, lol.
I feel slightly out of my depth here mostly because I am not very familiar with Greek mythology, beyond the most popular stories, so I did have to look up each creature (mythological being?) so that I could at least have an idea of what was going on. I can appreciate a poem making one think and explore something new to them, so I think it's very cool that you have decided to touch on some myths/creatures that are a little less well-known. However, it could also be detrimental as a reader might feel alienated by engaging with a poem that deals with relatively more obscure characters - but that, of course, is entirely subjective to the beholder.
I have to echo the preceding review by Kelisot that I'm a little on the fence about the structural inequality of the third poem. In some ways, it has me wondering if you spent more time on that one or more thought... which is fine, but then it leaves me feeling like the first two are, somewhat ironically due to the chronology, afterthoughts. I can tell in selene, you have a meaningful structure at the beginning with stanzas alternating between five lines and three lines, after which point it switched. However, I am curious if the structure was consistent across all three (leimakid, pasiphae, and selene), if the poem would resonate as a whole better? Some food for thought.
My favourite part was the seventh stanza of selene. Each word seemed intentional and the flow between each lines was impeccable. I also really loved the visual+lyrical+physical representation of a heart skipping a beat (stanza 2/line 5).
Thanks for a lovely read. Looking forward to more from you
Cheers,
Lav
It's been a while since I left a review or be active here, so it's cool to see works from new users.
As a general impression—I could say what sticked out the most, mostly skimming the entire work before reading—was your usage of ampersands throughout various poems. This did remind me some of Emily Dickinson's works, since she uses the unorthodox em dashes at the end of her lines... here's some instances where I really liked your usage of ampersands!
I'm likely assuming you're using the symbol to replace the word "and" which is fair. I wouldn't get further into the more elitistic "so colloquial, write better" talk because although I do have mixed feelings, I do think ampersands were a nice detail, since the entire thing is written in a more "informal" context with other examples such as non-capitalizations.
When focusing on things such as the mini-poems (or subpoems...??? what even would be the right word???), the titles suit well with its greek theme (considering the anthology is a greek word that I assume means "homecoming") with various female Greek figures. I doubt it was intentional, but as someone who has an interest with mythology in general, it was cool to see how, say, the titles started with obscure names with more "iconic" or influential names. I will admit, I only knew what a leimakid/leimonid was by searching up. I also find it interesting for you to name the second poem as "pasiphaë" compared to other female icons—considering how she's mostly known for being Mino's wife—and also responsible for giving birth to the Minotaur. I'm assuming you considered that name, since she is a victim of a god's curse (which made her give birth to such monster).
Structure-wise, I originally found it odd that the third poem (selene) was extremely long compared to the other poems, but I have reconsidered your intention to be quite good. This was mostly because of the volta (a drastic change) written in the first few line:
There's a shift in the world. It makes sense why this is a bildungsroman (coming-of-age, or say, a homecoming) work. Whether this work is sapphic (or maternal, that is likely, since it's a coming of age, so what if the narrator is growing up and realizing what their mother sacrificed for? but the former is also possible and seems reasonable.) with the various hymns and adoration the narrator sings about "her" to others... whoever it is, it does end happy than I would've exepected. The narrator from the second and third poem are different; they have changed from someone imagining and fantasizing into a person whose life is intertwined and intersecting with their role model (or possible lover).
Bottom line, I really liked it and may have overanalyzed too much instead of doing other things as organizing my room! XD
I really need to make more anthologies...!!!
Edit: It's been a while since I've been on this site and god, a lot of things changed. Writing the review and making the format was confusing LOL
Hey! Decided to do this as my first review <3
i. leimakid
The opening lines establish a brilliant tension between beauty and haunting.
The metaphor of hope as a "fragile bud" building a "weak nest" reverses the typical cheerful ideas of spring and nesting, transforming it into something desperate and survival-based.
The visual spacing of "sk ip a b eat" perfectly mirrors the physical sensation of arrhythmia. Paired with the ampersand ("& only"), it gives the ending a rushed, modern, anxious heartbeat.
The transition from the nesting bird imagery to "envy" in the final lines is a sudden turn from the earlier theme. Perhaps consider putting it earlier in the stanza.
ii. pasiphaë
Mythologically, Pasiphaë is tied to the birth of the Minotaur, and your use of animalistic and divine language:
captures that hybrid, cursed divinity beautifully. The bounce of the first stanza is very fun to read aloud.
The wordplay of "tau(gh)t" is clever, operating as both taut (pulled tight, tense) and taught (educated, disciplined). It helps me imagine a figure who is "sun-dripped" but restrained.
This line is a sharp contrast to the heavier, striking imagery of "storming scorn" and "achilles aching to snap." If the doe imagery is meant to show her vulnerability beneath her harsh exterior, it works, but ensure the transition from divine fury to "delicate doe" feels intentional.
iii. selene
This balances the mythic with the deeply intimate. The tactile imagery in the first stanza establishes a heavy, grounding physical presence. The repeating refrain "& now i know" acts as a haunting anchor, charting the speaker's shifting realizations.
The stanza starting with this provides a gorgeous, luminous release of tension after the "thick of the fright" from the previous lines. The phrase "colored click / of bright spring glass" is great synesthesia, allowing the reader to see the color and hear the sound.
I really enjoyed writing this review (channelled my inner high schooler lol) and especially enjoyed this poem!! its so good, and i especially felt a connection to it because i really enjoy learning about mythology