Evading the uneasiness of life,
my steps find their way to you.
I sit down to talk like old times,
Hoping I can still get through
to you. God, it's been tough,
been stumbling at every turn.
My heart's weary of the world
-and my pain causes it to burn.
For years, I've prayed for favors;
only to realise how vain that was.
Asking for someone to hold me,
pining after affection because-
I was lonely and freezing. But
no man could piece together
something this broken. A soul
so lost, belongs only in nether.
Your statues don't answer, nor
do any of the skies in your name-
When I plead to them, earnestly,
to rid me of this terrible shame.
I realise no man can cherish me
enough, to fill the voids I carry.
Only your infinite can complete
me really; and I'm not at all wary
to give myself wholly, to a God
who shaped me. I make the vow
to devote myself and believe, for-
only your love can save me now.
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142,248 Literary Works • 677,083 Reviews
Hia Alex, I have even more of your poetry on my list so let’s head straight in =D
Oh jee… This already makes me think that there has opened a chasm between these two ppl. Friends, lovers? Let’s find out.(I also find it peculiar that the rest of this sentence goes into an entirely new stanza. That’s fascinating!)
Aww that makes me think the narrator has already given up on himself. How can he hope to pierce the chasm between the other person when he has such a low opinion of himself?
….the statues? What does that mean? Is he surrounded by effigies of that person? Or isn’t he really talking about a person but maybe an idea, or god? It would explain the “skies in your name” line. Some sort of grand creator? Come to think of it, the title also has a religious connotation. Even if I would have thought it would be like seeking salvation and validation from a real person.
Aww is this abt religious guilt of having the “wrong” sexuality? I am so worried .-.
I find it sad that he’s reached the point where he can’t believe something in the world around him will be enough (or good enough?) to help him navigate this difficult hand he’s been dealt. That he has to believe into something greater than humanity to find some kinda solace, that the world has disappointed and disillusioned him too much. That this is the only avenue left ☹
This this is it what makes me so nervous. The voids inside. Ahh that is haunting! To think that this emptiness cannot be filled by mortal means .-.
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Hey Tikaa, onto your next review! <3 (I plan to review the WoS chapter after this, don't worry lol)
I would've never expected even myself to write this, you're in for a surprise =)
I was trying to play with enjambment while still keeping my distinct verse patten, hope it doesn't come across as too off putting..
In any other genre, you'd be right. But here's it's a bold confession, humility and self awareness. Maybe it'll make more sense with time?
Yay, you finally cracked it! I love how you discuss the possibility too <3
Hey easy there, that's too heavy for the rn me @-@
But God helps? I believe we're on different frequencies here and thus you miss the point and good part. Here the dire situation isn't mourned, but the narrator keeping hope and trying in the name of belief is celebrated. This darkness is intimidating, but there's light on the other side of it! Surrendering to hope is scary, but pays.
"I was trying to play with enjambment while still keeping my distinct verse patten, hope it doesn't come across as too off putting.."
No it was fascinating! Happy for it!
I tend to be less inclined to god and how god helps, even when they have the best intentions. That's something you'll have to live with ^^°
Admittedly, I'm not too religious myself so it's all good!
What an amazing beginning!!! I loved this sm!!
Thanks a lot!
Hello there,
I loved this poem, it is really relatable for me.
Let's see now
I enjoyed this part the most; I'm not sure why.
There are tough times for everyone, even me.
But stay strong; things will get better soon, even if it seems like it never will.
This part is wonderful as well; it talks about how you've submitted yourself wholly to God and his unfailing love. I became a devout Christian through my tough times, just like you.
Hope that this was helpful
Queenie
Thank you, Queen! Your kind words are much appreciated <3
You are welcome, sorry that I didn't reply sooner.
Love the new profile tho!!!
Thank you!
Hello!
I really like this poem because I think that it really reflects the feeling you're trying to show; of course I can't know for sure if that's the feeling you're trying to convey, but I think it is based on what you wrote. For example,
This part shows the feeling well, I believe, as well as
Also, though this is really a very small detail, the colour palet for the cover image fits very well too! As does the image.
I don't have any ideas on improvement unfortunately, but I think that there is a small error with a comma on the fifth paragraph:
Is this a typo?
Anyways, I find this poem very good as well as deeply spiritual and relatable. I realise that my review isn't very long, I'm sorry! I hope that it was a bit helpful.
Thank you for sharing this poem!!!!
Have a wonderful day =D
- HMMHhehe
Could you elaborate on what feelings you think the poem conveyed? And did you find any parts unclear?
The fifth paragraph , was an awkward deliberate move - I had to place the , right after earnestly but since the next line needed a length push, I bumped it there, so it it is still technically right after but also caters to the structure. I agree that it doesn't look too good though, might get rid of it. Thank you!
I think that the poem showed a feeling of... regret? Weariness? Maybe longing/feeling unworthy/both? I'm not good at explaining things like this, and especially bad at finding fitting adjectives/emotion names, but I guess about that.
I did find some parts slightly unclear, but I don't think I've ever read a poem without finding something in it unclear - exept if you count pre-school season/birthday-themed poems... so I don't think it's a problem, because I think crystal-clear poems tend to end up flat and boring, except if the author is really skilled I guess? I haven't read any perfectly clear poems around YWS that I remember, so I think mysterious is good?
Aaaaaaaah OK I understand that with the comma thank you! It does make sense when you explain it, I think that you can keep it if you want to.
Have a great day again!
What do you think the poem is saying in the simplest form and who is it addressed to? I think it'd help me know if at least that much is clear..
I think that the poem is adressed to God...? Since you write, "to you. God, (etc.)"
I think that the poem is saying that (the narrator) is talking to God, saying that they were vain for asking so many favours, but life was hard, that their soul is (broken? Shameful?) and that only God can save them now.
I don't know if I'm right but this is what I understood!
Thank you, this has been helpful!