I'm thinking of turning back.
I would be welcome home.
This is not what I came here for.
When I signed the dotted line,
I must've been lost and high.
Never meant to walk down this road.
There's only murder; we salute.
Invade like brutes.
Put my armor on
but I can't escape the truth.
There's only blood; we march.
Another order. Depart.
Put my troop-boots on
but I can't escape my heart.
And my heart weighs down upon me,
it's telling me to just let go.
In the vision of the man I was,
this is not what I came here for.
I left love crying at home,
shut the doors on her long ago.
But in the vision of the man I was,
this is not what I came here for.
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142,249 Literary Works • 677,084 Reviews
This is quite the strong statement. Are you speaking from personal experience? I don't mean to pry (oh irony). Some might find it offensive but what good is it if it isn't? Right? Some might have different ideas. I apologize if this hasn't been very constructive. I have a hard time knowing whether I should comment on commentary or grammar. Either way you've got quite a bit of both. Tell me did I hit the mark? Or do you want me to talk about how it made me feel?
Hi, shoaib.
I'm just here to let you know that you're a wonderful poem and you've written a lovely poem. It flows beautifully, the subject is interesting and it's simply catchy from the beginning to the end. Very, very well written. Although, if I was to give you a suggestion, I would tell you to change the stanzas in bold to italics, because it is obvious that you want to emphasize them, but they being blacker distracts more than it should.
That's all I've got to say, though. Keep writing<3
Honestly,
Sol<3
A wonderful *poet* is what I meant. xD
Thanks
'Every day is a new opportunity to grow, learn and enjoy whatever comes up.
Embrace each wonderful new day.
They all begin with no mistakes' - from Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery. It's a fabulous book and this was a fabulous piece of work.
Well done on this.
You've used a good variety of words and have carefully watched over your punctuation and capital letters.
Keep on writing.
You've done well.
Thanks